


Life at Hogwarts

by InsaneHam



Category: Hetalia: Axis Powers
Genre: Also my updating schedule sucks, Alternate Universe - Hogwarts, Attempt at Humor, Gen, Read at Your Own Risk, Tags may change later, ships will take a long time if ever
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-01-20
Updated: 2020-06-26
Packaged: 2021-02-27 13:26:24
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 2
Words: 4,238
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22337764
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/InsaneHam/pseuds/InsaneHam
Summary: Needless to say, Ludwig had been prepared for his first day. Anything could happen at Hogwarts and he packed accordingly. He would not be taken by surprise.
Comments: 2
Kudos: 11





	1. The First Day

**Author's Note:**

> Read the tags.

Needless to say Ludwig had been prepared for his first day. Anything could happen at Hogwarts and he packed accordingly. He would not be taken by surprise.

As he milled about, seeking an opportune moment to run into the portal he was suddenly ambushed by a little Italian boy. The boy was going so fast that when his head made contact with Ludwig’s stomach he went flying.

“Help me!” the boy sobbed over his wheezing form. “I’m lost and I can’t find the Platform!”

When he finally had enough breath to speak he grunted, “Get off me.”

The boy scrambled off, still crying, allowing Ludwig to sit up. “Who are you?” he demanded immediately. “Why did you attack me?”

“I didn’t attack anyone!” the boy cried uncontrollably. “Lovi got mad at me again and left me alone and now I don’t know where to go!”

After hauling him to his feet, Ludwig determined that this was indeed just a lost student. He released him. “Stop crying!” he scolded. “This is not behavior befitting a Hogwarts student!”

“Hogwarts?” he hiccuped. “Do you by chance know how to get on the train?”

“Yes, and I will tell you if you stop crying!”

He beamed and nodded in affirmation. “Thank you, thank you!”

Ludwig picked up his dropped luggage, temper easing. He must’ve been desperate to approach in that manner. “I am Ludwig Beilschmidt of the house of Beilschmidt. What is your name?”

“Oh me?” he pointed at himself. “I am Feliciano Vargas!”

“Vargas… Where have I heard that name before…”

“Probably Grandpa! Grandpa is pretty famous!”

Before Ludwig could ask for clarification a voice broke through the soundproof barrier.

“FELICIANO, YOU STUPID BASTARD, WHERE THE HELL ARE YOU? YOU’D BETTER BE HERE OR ELSE I’LL BEAT THE TOMATOES OUT OF YOU!”

The voice broke at the end, as if the screamer had started crying. Despite the death threat, Feliciano looked around eagerly. “That’s my brother! He’s looking for me!”

“How did he break through the barrier?” Ludwig wondered, but he didn’t have much time to think before Feliciano was dragging him through. 

“Lovi? Lovi! I’m here!”

Lovi, as Feliciano had said, was in the middle of a crowd of concerned wizards, sobbing into a Gryfinndor’s shoulder.

“Ah, Lovino look!” the Gryffindor encouraged. “Your brother has come to find you!”

Lovino did, wiping the tears from his eyes and stormed over in such a rage that Ludwig was tempted to interfere. “You bastard! Why did you wander off like that?”

“I didn’t wander off Lovi,” Feliciano protested. “You were angry and I got distracted by all the muggles!”

“That’s what wandering off is, you bastard!” He spun on his heel. “Come on, and don’t leave again, you idiot bastard!”

“Vee~were you worried about me Lovi?”

“Who was worried?!”

Ludwig speechlessly watched the two walk off with the Gryfinndor following close behind. This seemed to be a normal interaction for them. How strange. He glanced around at the other families who had turned back to their own matters now that the drama was over. There was a loud boy, declaring himself to be the one who would defeat the Dark Lord, and his apparent twin by their unmarked clothes, whispering sadly to his parents, “I’m Matthew, your other son.”

There was the infamous China family, which mainly consisted of an upperclassman named Yao dragging a bunch of unwilling students behind him. The Nordics, a group of friends who gave out jarring different impressions bustled about in one corner, fussing over the littlest one. The Kirklands, a Slytherin wizarding house infamous for their blood purity skulked about in another corner, having another argument. The beautiful Katsuya was accompanied by her odd little brother and her even odder little sister who carried a knife in one hand. Ludwig blinked and it was gone, leaving only a little girl sticking onto her frightened brother’s leg and begging him not to leave. Even the egotistical Francis, one year older than Ludwig and famous for his playboy ways had his sisters smothering him with goodbye hugs.

Ludwig sighed, wishing for the first time he hadn’t insisted on going alone. If he’d known he’d be surrounded by all this affection he would’ve let his parents come with him, no matter how embarrassing they were. Even his brother, arguably even more full of himself than Francis, would have been better than being alone.

As if his thoughts had summoned him, his bag exploded, leaving his grinning brother in its place. 

Ludwig gaped for several seconds in silence before blurting, “Brother?”

“Haha West, you didn’t think you could get rid of your awesome brother that easily, did you?” Gilbert said, climbing out of the ruins of his bag. Ludwig, having dealt with his brother for many, many years recovered quickly.

“What-Why were you in my suitcase?”

“Well,” Gilbert began, kicking a shirt off his foot, “after I heard you insisting to Mom and Pops, I knew you wouldn’t want me along, so I climbed into your suitcase after you went to bed, and boom! Here I am!” His grin faltered. “Though maybe not your broomstick. Or your textbooks. Or a couple pairs of robes. Or that ridiculous hat, I mean why they make you buy a hat-”

“Brother!”

“Well, I had to take out something! Even your awesome brother can’t fit into that tiny suitcase without taking some stuff out first!”

At this point most of the wizards were staring at them and Ludwig flushed. His brother was a thousand times worse than his parents, just by virtue of not knowing when to stop. As he was thinking that, Gilbert began summoning his luggage back to them.

“Brother, you can’t use magic outside of school!”

“Don’t worry West, your awesome brother won’t be caught!” Gilbert gestured to the adult wizards casting magic around them.

“That’s not the point!” But when his brother gave him back his repaired suitcase filled with clothes it was a little harder to argue with him. He switched tactics. “What about your school? They could expel you!” His eyes widened. “Wait, shouldn’t you be in school right now?”

“You shouldn’t worry so much, West. At your age, you could get wrinkles!”

“Don’t avoid the question!”

“We won’t see each other for the entire year! I’m just trying to wish my baby brother goodbye! Is that such a crime?”

“No, but-”

“Look West, your train is leaving!” Gilbert whirled him around. “Better get going if you don’t want to be late!”

“But-”

“I’ll be fine, really West!” Gilbert shoved him into the train. “See you in July!” Then he took off sprinting. Ludwig watched, dumbfounded, as he broke through a window onto a waiting broom and took off with a gaggle of his school friends. His brother never ceased to amaze him.

“Wow, was that Gilbert Awesome?” The loud boy from before whistled. “Thought he attended Durmstrang, wonder what he was doing here.”

“He was seeing me off,” Ludwig said, patting the dust from his robes for being thrown to the ground the second time today. The boy turned a thousand watt smile at him. 

“Dude, you know _the_ Gilbert Beilschmidt?” 

Ludwig didn’t even want to know what had gotten his brother such notoriety among his classmates. “Yes, he’s my brother.”

“That must be epic!”

Ludwig huffed. “No, actually-”

“I mean, did you hear about the Great Prank War? ‘Course you must’ve! It was a tradition at Durmstrang, but Gilbert wiped everyone else out. Living with him, you have front seats to the whole thing, dungbombs and all!”

Ludwig started to think this was not the kind of person he wanted to fraternize with.

“Well, I’ve got to find a seat-”

“Don’t bother! You can sit in my cabin!”

“Eh? But Alfred, we don’t have any-”

“No, it’s really fine,” Ludwig said, trying to edge away without being too obvious.

“Don’t be ridiculous, what kind of person would I be if I didn’t pay homage to Gilbert’s brother?” With that, he grabbed Ludwig’s arm and dragged him along with surprising strength.

“Really, I-”

“No, no, I insist!”

“But Alfred, there’s no-”

“Tell me about your brother! His favourite weapon? The dungbomb, right? That’s mine, but if he has one too, that’s totally fine! We can just settle it the next time!”

With that, Alfred dragged him into the cabin, slamming the door behind him. There were two people already inside; the Vargas brothers he had met before. 

“Who the hell are you?” 

“Ludwig!” Feliciano cried joyfully. Lovino’s head cracked around so fast Ludwig was surprised it didn’t snap.

“How the hell do you know this bastard?”

“This is Gilbert Beilschmidt’s brother!” Alfred declared, forcefully sitting Ludwig down.

“Who’s that?” Lovino demanded.

Alfred whirled around. “You don’t know who Gilbert Beilschmidt is?”

“How should I know who that is?” 

“Lovi-”

“Oh I see how it is, goody two shoes.”

Lovino snarled, “I’ll show you who’s a goody two shoes, you bastard-”

Feliciano pulled Lovino down. “Lovi, don’t get mad just because Antonio sat with-”

“I’m not mad!” Lovino screeched, turning beet red. “I’m glad that bastard left!”

“Right, right, sure,” Alfred said sarcastically. 

“I am going to kill you, you-”

“SHUT UP!” 

When they had sufficiently quieted, Ludwig continued, “We are all now students of Hogwarts! Our actions reflect onto our school, as well as ourselves, and I will not stand to see such impudent behaviour from my classmates! Is that clear!”

A few seconds of silence, and then, “So, you’re not Gilbert Beilschmidt’s brother?”

After a long and detailed explanation detailing how Ludwig in no way approved of his brother’s exploits and was quite law abiding and no, he wasn’t playing a prank on him, Alfred declared them all boring and left in search of his brother. Throughout the entire tirade, Lovino glared daggers at him for reasons he couldn’t even fathom. Needless to say, when another boy with choppy dark hair timidly asked if he could sit with them, Ludwig was glad to make room.

“I am Kiku Honda.” was his short introduction. Feliciano pumped him for more information, wizarding house, favoured Hogwarts house, field of study, Quidditch team? “I am excited to attend Hogwarts,” he said reluctantly. “I believe this is a rare opportunity and I intend to make the most of it.”

“You know,” Ludwig said, “I think we’re going to get along just fine.”

As it so happened Antonio, the Gryffindor from before, popped by to grab a furious Lovino and the quiet Kiku got kidnapped by a boy insisting he was claiming the doll in the name of Korea (he was wearing a Hogwarts uniform, so it should be fine) so Ludwig and Feliciano got stuck in a boat with the Alfred from before. Ludwig was dreading the journey ahead but instead of talking about Gilbert, Alfred smiled sheepishly and actually apologized for kicking up such a fuss. He’d just been so excited to meet a fellow of Gilbert’s he’d just been a little overzealous, see. Ludwig, who hadn’t been expecting to get an apology at all, was quite pleasantly surprised.

“I guess I should reintroduce myself, start over a new leaf or something. I’m Alfred Jones,” he said, pointing at himself. “and this is my brother-”

“Matthew Williams!” the boy beside Alfred stretched out his hand. “My name is Matthew Williams. Nice to meet you.”

“Nice to meet you too.” Ludwig shook his hand, wondering how he had missed him. Matthew was like a more subdued, polite version of his brother with single strand of hair that curled out of place.

“So you’re Jones, and you’re Williams…” Feliciano frowned. “I’m confused.”

“Don’t worry, we get that a lot!” Alfred wrapped an arm around Matthew and drew him closer. “We’re actually cousins, see, but Matthew’s parents are practically mine!”

“Haha… yeah. Practically.”

The sorting was next. All the freshman fiddled nervously as they waited to be called up and Ludwig was no exception. The house chosen would determine their entire future. According to rumor, no house was above the others. Gryffindor? A pile of brave, chivalrous idiots. How about Ravenclaw? Nerds, the lot of them. Surely Hufflepuff-? Kind and sweet pushovers. Then- Slytherin? Are you kidding me? Evil Dark Lords in the making!

Okay, maybe one house was below the others, but inside of bloodline purity, there was no better choice to begin a career. 

Thankfully his turn was rather early; he didn’t think he could wait through the line of freshmen like the Vargas’. At first he was a little dubious of the tattered old hat that called out names but as soon as he put it on he realized how wrong he was.

_I assure you, I’ve been sorting longer than you’ve been alive._

My apologies, he thought. I will not make the same mistake again.

_See that you don’t. Hmmm…. Very, very loyal and hardworking. Less power hungry, and not very cunning. You’re smart, you plan and think and won’t just rush into danger._

Which house then? Hufflepuff?

_Shush boy, patience. You’re very loyal, yes, but you’ve a very highly attuned sense of self-preservation._

The memory of Gilbert accidentally setting a hippogriff after him filled his mind.

_Yes, I suppose with a brother like that, you must have._

His temper came back. So Slytherin?

_No. You have the leadership and ambition, but with your cunning you would not make it there._

Wait, did you just-

“RAVENCLAW!” The teacher took off the hat, leaving Ludwig baffled as to whether he had just been insulted. 

Alfred was sorted into Gryffindor, just as Ludwig had expected of him - taking down the dark lord, seriously - while Feliciano got Hufflepuff, the perfect match for his airy self, Ludwig supposed. As for Williams…

“Williams! Matthew Williams!” the strict-looking teacher barked. “Is there a Matthew Williams here?”

The crowd of students began murmuring. No one dared miss the sorting, it was their debut into society and even the worst troublemakers couldn’t stay away. The teacher repeated the name, “Matthew Williams, please come to the front!”

“I’m right here.”

Professor McGongall blinked and looked down. Matthew Williams was standing right in front of her. All the students spun around fast enough to give themselves whiplash.

“Very funny, Jones. Take your seat.”

“No, but I really am-”

“Sit. Down.”

He walked over and sat on the stool, to peals of laughter all around.

“Jones, sit down at your table,” she expanded. Jones shook his head. 

“I don’t have a table yet.”

The teacher grew with her fury while Jones shrank but he still did not back down. 

“Jones, you stand to be in serious trouble if you continue to act in such a childish manner.”

“I’m not doing anything wrong.” But his voice was full of tears and Ludwig found himself feeling bad for the young boy. He glanced over at the Gryffindor table and to his shock saw Jones talking with the boy next to him, seemingly oblivious to his lookalike’s plight. Ludwig looked back.

Of course. Matthew Williams. The boy was about ready to cry, judging by his face, and the teacher was wavering between fury the ritual had been interrupted and frustrated confusion. Ludwig stood hurriedly, hoping to straighten out the mistake before it could get worse.

“Come on Jones, stop wasting our time!” a Slytherin, Arthur Kirkland, shouted from his table. Matthew turned to him.

“I am Matthew. Why won’t anybody believe me?”

And then he burst into tears.

It took approximately the entire Gryffindor table plus half the Ravenclaws and Hufflepuffs to keep Jones from murdering Kirkland. A couple of Slytherins took the opportunity to get some licks in and it dissolved into a full-out brawl. Spells flew through the room, hitting friendlies and foes indiscriminately. Someone set off a bunch of exploding snaps. The staff had to physically pull apart the children while the more sensible students remained, horrified, at the sidelines. Matthew had been escorted out earlier by some of the smarter Hufflepuffs, and thank goodness for that because by the time Jones was through with Kirkland it looked as if he’d been run over by a wayward truck. The Kirkland brothers had been the ones to take Jones down with a well placed hex before having to be restrained themselves. 

“Well,” Kiku commented, watching the last of the patients be wheeled away to the hospital wing. “That was an interesting first day.”

“You don’t say,” Ludwig replied weakly.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Just to be clear, Arthur and Spain are upperclassman along with Francis.


	2. Chapter 2

Compared to the previous day breakfast seemed almost boring. It was of great interest to some of the students who had been denied their meal the day before and now ripped in with a wolfish ecstacy, but nothing could overshadow the ‘Great Hall Brawl’ as it had been so famously dubbed. Not even almost being late to class (those torturously soft pillows messed up his internal alarm) and finding Professor Flitwick pulling plates of pasta out of a crying Feliciano’s bag. The Professor was muttering something about improper uses of charms.

“Why is there so much pasta in that bag?” he whispered, sliding into the only empty seat. Unfortunately, he neglected to check his seat partner before turning. Alfred. Damn. But instead of bursting into a rambling explanation, Alfred frowned.

“Dude, you’re sitting on Mattie.”

His eyebrows furrowed. “What?”

“Please get off,” a voice squeaked into his ear. He leapt up, sending the table crashing to the floor and whirled around. There was indeed a student in the chair he was in before, and he couldn’t tell whether this was a truly elaborate prank or he was really just that unobservant. 

“My-you-your apologies!” he burst out.

“You’re the one who sat on him, why should Mattie apologize?” 

Ludwig spluttered, “No-I-wait, you-”

“It’s okay, Alfred, he didn’t mean it.” But Alfred was already rising for a fight.

“Hey! What’s going on here?”

Professor Flitwick marched up to them and scanned them all with an unforgiving eye.

“Aren’t you in Gryffindor?” he demanded, squinting at the red highlights of the uniform. Alfred beamed.

“Yup!”

“This is a Ravenclaw and Hufflepuff joint class. Gryffindor and Slytherins will be in the afternoon.”

“Yeah I know.”

Flitwick stared. “You know?”

“Yeah dude.” Ignoring the desperate pleas behind him, Alfred bulled on, “See, after yesterday I realized that Mattie needs the hero to defend him from villains like Kirkland.” He glared pointedly at Ludwig. “So I have to accompany him to class to protect him!”

Flitwick placed a hand on his forehead and leaned back in horror. “Detention, Jones.”

“What? Why!”

“For disrupting the class, addressing me as dude, calling your classmates villains, getting into a fight on the first day and about 50 other things that I won’t care to name. You can tack it onto your other detentions with Snape. Now go back to class.”

Thankfully after a little more begging from Matthew Alfred acquiesed, leaving Ludwig in the awkward position of sitting beside someone he had just sat upon. His brother seemed to be of a different sort though, since he helped right the table and never once mentioned the sitting incident. 

Ludwig resisted the urge to bury his head in his hands and scream as the Italian next to him chattered about the ten types of tomato sauce commonly used in pasta. Professor Binns listened to the tirade in silent shock. When Feliciano finally sat back down, Professor Binns fought for words. “Vargas, I asked you which witch liked to be burned during the Salem Witch Trials. How in the world did you relate it back to pasta?”

The boy beamed. "Everything relates back to pasta!"

In the next class, Ludwig was very, very careful about who he sat next to. Kiku seemed like a sensible, quiet boy with a talent for burying his nose in a book and ignoring the world around him, but still focused when Professor McGonagall walked in. Contrary to her previous unreasonable anger, she proved herself to be a no nonsense, fair teacher and after the debacle this morning Ludwig found himself liking her. She was everything a teacher should be, and a small mistake shouldn’t change that.

Then it happened.

The class stared, petrified, at the scene in front of them. Cat Professor McGonagall sat on her desk, purring. With a single-minded intensity great duelers would envy, Kiku was rubbing her head and practically radiating contentment. It was horrifying. Luckily Professor McGonagall caught herself quickly and transformed back, leaving Kiku so disappointed that she didn’t even give him a punishment. As the deceptively normal looking gloomy Kiku took his seat beside him, Ludwig wondered if all his classmates were that weird.

“Potions class can only be mastered by very few, but for those who do they will have the ability to bottle death, brew glory and-who put pasta in my cauldron?”

“Oh, Professor Snape! I thought you looked a little sour, so I thought some sweet pasta would cheer you up!”

Feliciano spent the rest of the class clinging onto Ludwig’s leg and sobbing.

“Up!”

Only three broomsticks jumped into hands. The rest either rolled over or did not move at all.

“Oh, if it isn’t Matthew Williams!” 

Matthew glanced up with such hope in his eyes, it was actually painful to hear the next words. “Your brother came by. Excellent flier, he is!”

Matthew threw his broom to the ground and spent the rest of class teaching Ludwig the basics of flight. Oddly enough, Feliciano was proving himself competent and flew circles around the other Hufflepuffs and Ravenclaws. At one point he spotted his brother, waved and called out,

“Romano! Look! I’m flying!”

The only response he got was a tomato hurtling out the window and headshotting him off his broom. 

“I’m so sorry!” Feliciano cried. “I didn’t mean to land on you, I really didn’t!”

From tomorrow onward, Ludwig would start wearing body armour when he was around this disaster.

“That’s quite a cute owl you have,” Ludwig said, hoping to make up for his previous mistakes. Matthew blinked.

“Really?”

“Vee~yes! It’s feathers are so soft!” Feliciano buried his face in the downy. Matthew seemed to take this compliment better,

“Thanks! I brush him every day so- I can do it for yours too! Do you have an owl?”

“Nope! Lovino says I can only be trusted to look after pasta!”

Ludwig wrinkled his nose. “Animals do not like me.”

“Oh. Would you like to touch Kumatarou then?”

Ludwig expressed his doubt, but Matthew insisted. He extended his hand slowly, careful not to surprise him. Kumajirou watched his slow approach with wide yellow eyes.

Then he turned his beak and pecked him. Hard. 

“Kumanji!” 

“No, it is fine.”

“Luddie, you’re bleeding!” Feliciano gasped, pressing some dry noodles to his wound.

“I’m sorry, he doesn’t usually act like this-”

“Someone is hurt?” Katsuya rushed over with piles of bandages and began wrapping his hand. With the noodles.

“Katsuya!” Matthew exclaimed.

“Matthew,” she greeted. “Are you feeling better from last night?”

“Yes! Much, much, much better.”

“Sister, is there something wrong?” Ivan smiled, a cold, cruel, terrifying thing. “Are any of these men bothering you?”

“Oh, no Ivan. One of them is bleeding. Could you get me more bandages?”

“Of course.”

“I don’t think-”

“Is Luddie going to die?” Feliciano suddenly gasped. “I don’t want Luddie to die!”

“The bastard is going to die?” Lovino dropped into the seat next to them. “Good riddance.”

“Lovino, you shouldn’t wish death upon them,” Lovino’s Gryffindor scolded. “Unless it is Arthur. Then punch him in the face.” 

“No one is dying or being punched,” Katsuya promised, wrapping another loop around Ludwig’s wrist.

“Err, miss I think that’s enough.”

“Hmm… Matthew, what do you think? More?”

“Yes!” Matthew didn’t seem to be listening.

Katsuya continued wrapping. From this angle-

“You are hungry, yes?” Ivan shoved a handful of food into Ludwig’s mouth, nearly choking him. “Eat up.”

“No!” Feliciano declared difinitively. “If he’s hungry he needs pasta!”

Lovino began adding a mysterious substance to Feliciano’s plate.

“Then you can go get some,” Ivan said.

“It’s okay. I have pasta right here!” Feliciano held up his plate while Lovino snickered evilly behind him.

“No I’m-”

“How about you go. Get. Some.”

From his point of view, Ludwig couldn’t see what face Ivan made, but it was enough to scare the Vargas’ and send them off screaming. Ivan gripped his bandaged shoulder in a friendly manner that was somehow also frightening and leaned in to whisper pleasantly in his ear. “If you think such thoughts about my sister again I will take your dirty eyes and push them down your throat.” Then he fed him a piece of bloody steak.

Ludwig choked violently, which got him nothing but a scold from Katsuya. Matthew, oblivious to all this, continued to chat with Katsuya as she wrapped him. Finally she declared him fit to walk and left with a still cheerful brother at her heels.

“You must feel so much better after Katsuya,” Matthew gushed.

“Mmph.”

Fortunately-and he’d never thought he’d use that term with Alfred of all people-Alfred chose that moment to jump in.

“Hey Mattie! Can I borrow… your… Dude, why do you have so many bandages? Are you a mummy?”

Ludwig tried to stand and only succeeded in crashing to the floor. “Damn, are you alright? Don’t worry, it’s the hero to the rescue!”

Ironically, Alfred really was the hero that day.

  
  


“AHHH! WHY IS THERE HOT SAUCE IN MY PASTA?”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I might have accidentally deleted this at some point, so if you’re reading this again, I’m really sorry.


End file.
